Do you want to speak powerfully to make a change in the world? Have you ever felt that when you speak, people don’t listen to you? If so, you are not alone. In this article, we will discuss the seven deadly sins of speaking and the four powerful cornerstones to stand on so that people want to listen to you.
Seven Deadly Sins of Speaking
- Gossip Speaking ill of somebody who’s not present is not a nice habit. It is also contagious. The person who gossips about others will gossip about you too.
- Judging It’s hard to listen to someone who judges you and finds you wanting. Judging others is not helpful for building healthy relationships.
- Negativity Negativity is like a virus that can quickly spread. It’s hard to listen to someone who is always negative. Complaining is also a form of negativity that can make people miserable.
- Excuses Taking responsibility for your actions is crucial. Blaming others for your mistakes is not a productive way to communicate.
- Exaggeration Exaggeration can be entertaining, but it can also demean our language. It can also be a form of lying that makes people question your credibility.
- Dogmatism When opinions are presented as facts, it’s difficult to listen. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not to their own facts.
- Embroidery Embroidery is the exaggeration of details to make a story more interesting. It can be entertaining, but it can also be a form of lying that people don’t appreciate.
When it comes to speaking, we all want to be heard and to make an impact with our words. However, there are certain habits or behaviors that can be detrimental to our ability to communicate effectively. In his talk, “How to speak so that people want to listen,” Julian Treasure identifies seven deadly sins of speaking that can hinder our ability to connect with others and be heard.
The first deadly sin of speaking is gossip. Speaking ill of someone who is not present is not a nice habit and can quickly erode trust and respect among colleagues, friends, and family. Gossiping can also create a culture of negativity and mistrust, leading to a toxic environment. It’s important to be mindful of the words we use and to avoid speaking negatively about others when they are not around.
The second deadly sin of speaking is judging. People who are quick to judge others in conversation can make it difficult for others to listen to them. Being judged and found wanting is never a pleasant experience and can create a sense of defensiveness and mistrust in the listener. Instead of judging, it’s important to approach conversations with an open mind and a willingness to listen to others’ perspectives.
The third deadly sin of speaking is negativity. Negative attitudes and words can be draining and demotivating for those around us. While it’s important to acknowledge challenges and difficulties, it’s also important to maintain a positive outlook and to focus on solutions instead of problems. Being overly negative can make it hard for others to listen and engage with us.
The fourth deadly sin of speaking is complaining. While venting frustrations can be therapeutic, complaining can quickly become a habit that breeds negativity and misery. Constant complaining can make it difficult for others to want to engage with us or be around us. It’s important to be mindful of the language we use and to avoid falling into the trap of constant complaining.
The fifth deadly sin of speaking is making excuses. People who constantly make excuses and blame others for their problems can be frustrating and difficult to listen to. Taking responsibility for our actions and decisions is key to building trust and respect with others. It’s important to be honest with ourselves and others about our shortcomings and to work towards improving ourselves.
The sixth deadly sin of speaking is embroidery or exaggeration. While it can be tempting to use hyperbolic language to make a point, exaggerating or embellishing the truth can quickly erode trust and credibility. Instead, it’s important to be honest and clear in our communication, even if it means admitting to a mistake or shortcoming.
The seventh and final deadly sin of speaking is dogmatism or confusing facts with opinions. When people present their opinions as facts, it can be frustrating and difficult to engage with them. It’s important to be open to different perspectives and to approach conversations with a willingness to learn and grow.
Four Powerful Cornerstones
To speak powerfully and make a change in the world, you need to stand on four powerful cornerstones:
- Honesty (H) Be true in what you say. Speak straight and clear.
- Authenticity (A) Be yourself. Stand in your own truth. Don’t try to be someone else.
- Integrity (I) Do what you say. Be someone people can trust.
- Love (L) Wish people well. Be positive and compassionate. If you really wish someone well, it’s hard to judge them at the same time.
The Way You Say It
It’s not only what you say but also the way you say it. You have an amazing toolbox of vocal variety, but very few people ever use it. Here are a few tools to consider:
- Register Your voice has different registers, from the high falsetto to the low bass. Use them to create different emotions and convey different messages.
- Timbre The tone quality of your voice can also affect how people perceive you. A warm and resonant voice can make people feel comfortable and connected.
- Prosody Prosody is the rhythm and intonation of your voice. It can convey emotion and add meaning to your words.
- Pace The speed of your speech can also affect how people perceive you. A slow pace can create a sense of calm and control, while a fast pace can create excitement and urgency.
Conclusion
Speaking powerfully and making a change in the world requires standing on four powerful cornerstones: honesty, authenticity, integrity, and love. To avoid the seven deadly sins of speaking, avoid gossiping, judging, being negative, making excuses, exaggerating, being dogmatic, and embroidering the truth. Use your toolbox of vocal variety to make your words more effective. With these tools, you can speak so that people want to listen.
